Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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