How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
