I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
