Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
