i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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