he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
