there's paper in my vomit.
its not stalking. its research.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
