This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
