i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
