I think my fart just growled at me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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