so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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