don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
