Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
