lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
