If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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