I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
