girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
