Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
