Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
