If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
