he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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