But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
