maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
