Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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