Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
