He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
