Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
