i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
