she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
