i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
