hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
