OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
