you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
