Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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