I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
