i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
