Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
