I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
