i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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