Have you finally orgasmed yet?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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