he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
try to milk me bitch
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
