you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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