She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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