I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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