maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
