that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
