Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
