How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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