Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
