cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
