I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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