I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
